Written for Diskreet by our wonderful contributor Mel San Juan
In a chaotic world billowing out with stress from work, relationships, friends and family it is easy to get lost amongst the noise. We women, are beautiful, nurturing, passionate, fierce, menacing, elegant and sensual creatures. We bring to the table, what 50% of the world cannot and amongst the madness of life’s trials and tribulations, we forget this fact.
We are fixers
We, as women, are the fixers of the unseen. By this, I mean love and pain. I believe I speak for many women when I say we at times want to or feel obligated to mend or nurture another persons crisis’s back to health. When a relationship is going through periods of turmoil we try to fix it, when a friend or co-worker is upset, we comfort them, when a family member is fighting with another we attempt to neutralize the situation.
And while I may not speak for all, I know I speak for many when I say there are even times when we go so far as to make ourselves feel small. Putting someone else’s best interests in a higher priority than our own. And when we do this too often, we are unconsciously conditioning ourselves to believe that other people’s needs and requests are more important than our own.
The cold hard truth
So, where do we go from here? Well the first thing we have to do is look at the cold hard truth. Adversity is inescapable, there is no cure, no drug, no alcohol, no relationship or dollar amount that you can use to rid yourself of adversity. Adversity will ALWAYS exist, so start at the beginning, with what they call “acceptance”.
Now, lets clarify the context that is being used. By acceptance I do not, DO NOT mean submission. I am not suggesting you should become submissive to life’s adversity. By acceptance I mean make peace, become O.K. with the situation/s at hand. Become O.K. with the fact that you may not be able to fix a problem, and it may indeed become worse at no fault of your own.
If the situation is your fault, do not treat yourself with shame. Instead be O.K. with what you’ve done and have compassion and understanding for yourself. Life has no rule book, you are not and never will be perfect. Neither will anyone else.
It is realistic to expect that you will make mistakes and bad decisions consecutively throughout the course of your life, just try not to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Instead of being overwhelmed take 10- 30 minutes to be by yourself. Remind yourself that the past and the future do not exist. Focus on the task at hand. You may find the there is nothing you can do here, maybe nothing that will make much of a difference. Ultimately, the only thing you have control over is how you feel about the problem and your behaviour towards it. This may seem insignificant to you, but I promise you, if you pursue to harness the power of your emotions and behaviour, you will change your life forever.
Let’s strip back the layers of everything that stands in your way and prevents you from loving yourself; stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, insecurity, self- pity, greed, grief, fear or feelings of inadequacy, the list goes on… Who are you left with? A magnificent woman. With the potential for anything she sets her mind to, with the ability to tackle any obstacle, she’s full of untapped potential and talents waiting desperately for you to stop being guided by fear and instead be guided by what you love. You are beautiful for the person that you are, so go out there and shine.